THEATRICAL RELEASES FOR 1/5/07

[criterionmaster]

WIDE RELEASES

Happily N'Ever After (Paul J. Bolger)

IMDb Description: An alliance of evil-doers, led by Frieda (Weaver), looks to take over Fairy Tale Land. But when Ella (Gellar) realizes her stepmother is out to ruin her storybook existence, she takes a dramatic turn and blossoms into the leader of the resistance effort.
My Opinion: I have never been more sick of animated films like these in my life, "from the producers of shrek" doesn't help one bit. I will avoid this like a plague.

Freedom Writers (Richard LaGravenese)

IMDb Description: A young teacher (Swank) inspires her class of at-risk students to learn tolerance, apply themselves, and pursue education beyond high school.
My Opinion: This looks like it could possible be the worst movie ever made, I am not even lying. It looks like a cliched, barf-inducing shitfest. I have to see this film to see if it is on my most hated list.

Home of the Brave (Irwin Winkler)

IMDb Description: Right at the end of their respective assignments in Iraq, four American soldiers look to complete a final mission, to bring medical supplies to a remote village. Ambushed, the unit suffers heavy losses, and the survivors are then forced to try and readjust to life at home.
My Opinion: 50 Cent makes me sick to my stomach, I don't care if this is good.

Code Name: The Cleaner (Les Mayfield)

IMDb Description: A femme fatale (Hurley) tricks an amnesiac janitor (Cedric the Entertainer) into thinking he's an undercover agent embroiled in an international arms ring.
My Opinion: Oh God, I thought the movies above looked terrible, then I saw this pile of shit! Holy fuck, holy christ, this looks mind-blowingly bad.

LIMITED RELEASES

Thr3e (Robby Henson)

IMDb Description: A seminary student (Blucas) and a criminal psychologist (Waddell) work together to solve a psychopath's twisted series of riddles in order to put a stop to his madness.
My Opinion: This line: "Take one part Saw and one part Se7en, tone down the scares for a PG-13 rating, and you have Fox Faith's first big film of the year." Makes this seem like the new WORST of the week. I can't fucking believe my eyes, seriously THR3E?! SE7EN?!

[captainofbeef]

Bad movies this week. Looks like I will be avoiding the theater like the plague.

[blackmoses]

These movies are a disgrace! But I must see Freedom Writers so I can say I have seen the worst film ever created.

[eatawiiner]

I figured they'd stop giving that horse faced bitch parts after she acted a fo' in Million$Babi. Mos Def and Swank should team up for the next Pixar film, they have some of the goofiest "accents" i've ever heard.

[blackmoses]

Tim I am just reminding you to do the releases.

[PTAhole]

I'll try to get them up by tommorrow morning. In these shit months (January, Febuary) It may slip my mind. Just send me a PM if I don't have them up by tommorrow night.

[ie]

Well, there's still plenty of good movies out in theaters.

Plans were set to spend a day watching the following: Curse of the Golden Flower, Children of Men, Pan's Labyrinth, Volver and Perfume: The Story of a Murderer.

Unfortunately, these plans went under. It would have been an odd day. Five full movies, a couple movies for padding. Get there at 11:15... leave at 11:50. AM to PM.

[PTAhole]

Yeah, but those are all 2006 movies. Any movies that have been released so far this year look like shit.

[ie]

Oh yeah. Umm... kinda tired there (and here).


You know, oddly enough, I was reading the newspaper and I heard good things about Alpha Dog. So there might be one decent one; it probably wouldn't get aces from anyone, but, hey, at least it's a better option than Code Name:The Cleaner.

As for why I mentioned them, they were still being played in this kind of strange period of early 2007, where they're still playing 2006 movies. You can understand.