Help me please!

[mixed]

Alright, I'm not going to dress this up or come up with any subtle ways to get tips and advice. I need help with some paperwork Im doing regarding my final major project. The film that determines whether I get into university. I need help with the following piece of paperwork: A 500 word statement commenting upon the production techniques, values and styles employed within your project, suitable to your chosen genre. My genre is comedy and I simply dont know what to say. If I was doing horror it would be easy, I could say things about the music and long takes of POV shots and all that kinda stuff, but this I'm left blank. I can't think of many things, apart from various set pieces/sketches, that some comedy films may employ. Please help me!

[ie]

Go with a classic comedy, then. I would suggest Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid , because it is equally serious and comedic, which is only part of why it is just so good.

As for why Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid counts as a comedy, well, how many lines of the movie are quoteable?


I'll try to help in general now:

Production techniques - There's a scene in Me, Myself & Irene where

SPOILER: Click to show

Carrey motions like he's going to take a dump on his neighbor's lawn, and then there's a quick shot to a chocolate ice cream soft serve machine.

Values - Animal House and the National Lampoon stuff can be raunchy humor. I don't have a good example of clean humor, but vulgarity doesn't have to be involved.

Styles - Stand-up,

Call and response:
[after blowing the train car to smithereens]
Sundance Kid: Think ya used enough dynamite there, Butch?

and something unexpected:
Sundance Kid: Well, I think I'll get saddled up and go looking for a woman.
Butch Cassidy: Good hunting.
Sundance Kid: Shouldn't take more than a couple of days. I'm not picky. As long as she's smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and refined, and lovely, and carefree...


Make sure to respond frequently, mixed and others.

We are here to help, even though some don't know how to help.

[mixed]

This stuff is kind of useful but I think it would be a little more directed if I tell you about the film I plan to make.

My film is going to be a sex comedy about a guy named Eddie who wants to lose his virginity. He is a little bit shy and similarly bitter about his situation. His parents go away for a few days so his friend Mike suggests that he invite some girls around to see if he can "get lucky". They carry out this plan yet the two girls whom Mike invites bring another girl whom Mike well knows is a bit of a "bike". Mike consequently spends parts of the evening advising Eddie to steer clear of her although as the evening goes on, Eddie gets drunker and ends up having sex with this girl.

She doesn't want Eddie to wear a condom and he hesitantly agrees, wanting to lose his virginity so badly. A few days later Eddie has contracted a sexually transmitted disease, Im thinking gonorrhea or herpes as these are serious, common and display symptons quickly. the film ends with him going to a clinic and then some facts come up on screen, informing about the dangers and high level of STDs in Uk teenagers.

So its a fairly standard, three act structure type of film. The day before this get together, the get together and the days following. I have a script for it, which is currently a little bit OTT in places but I think some of it could be quite funny.

This may help with specifics although ie, I will try and use some of the advice you already kindly provided.

If anyone wants to see the script, I'll post it soon, though I am a little bit embarassed about it because some of it sounds very raw on paper but in my head it sounds funny being delivered by the right person.

[ie]

Oh. You needed to create a movie. I thought you basically needed to make a movie review.

If you want to post the script, I can go through and see if I can fix it up a little bit. It will be like a rough draft of some sorts.

[mixed]

Ok, heres the script. It is a little bit rough so dont judge it to harshly! It isn't properly script formatted and some of the directions in it may be unnecessary. I've shown it to a few of my friends who found it fairly funny in parts. I have to show it to my tutor tomorrow or so, I'm thinking he might hate it. Ah well, here it is and it's for an 8-10 minute film:

First draft FMP script, WRAP IT


Eddie
It just feels like I’m going to be this big virgin forever

Mike
Don’t be stupid, even the ugly guys get laid eventually

Eddie
Oh great, so now I’m one of those guys?

Mike
No, I wasn’t saying that. I’m just saying you have to stay positive, your not to old yet, plenty other people are still virgins.

Eddie
Yeah, maybe, sure doesn’t feel like it at times

few seconds of silence

Mike
Hey, your parents are going away soon right?

Eddie
They certainly are, some 4 day thing where they go sit on their bourgeois friends boat

Mike
Eddie, Eddie, this is good news. You will have a free house. Free as the ocean. I say we get few girls round here and see if you can join the club

Eddie
Sounds like a plan to me but what if they don’t like me? It’ll just feel like another pin in my virginal cushion existence

Mike
Man, you sound stupid. Just get a little alcohol so your not such a nervous wreck and everything will go great.

Eddie
Ok

Scene fades out



Main character Eddie is standing on the pavement as a car reverses out of the driveway. As the car swings out of the driveway the woman calls:

Mother
Goodbye, feed the cat, don’t forget to lock up at night and make sure everything’s turned off!

Eddie
I know, I know. Have fun.

Eddie waves as the car pulls out of road and disappears.


The door opens and Eddie comes in.


We hear Eddie remove his shoes out of shot. His hand then grabs the note and his Mothers voice is heard

Mother (inside Eddies head)
Get yourself a pizza or something, have fun and we will see you in two weeks. Ps: Don’t spend it on Alcohol.

The word alcohol reverberates inside Eddies head and he then hears his friends MIKES voice.

Mike
Just get a little alcohol so you‘re not such a nervous wreck and everything will be great

Eddie grabs the money


Eddie exit’s the door and the cut comes after he has locked it and left.


Car comes around the street corner and camera moves with it. Camera is positioned on driveway and cuts when car is pulled right in.

Eddie gets out of the car and proceeds towards the car boot

Bag is lifted out of the boot and Eddie proceeds to his front door.

Eddie sets the bag down on the stool in the kitchen and starts to take the bottles out, placing them on the counter.

Eddie then gets some bread out of the fridge and puts it in the toaster. Eddie then sits down on the stool, looking at some of the alcohol bottles. As the toast comes up the camera cuts to a shot from the corridor of him spreading it, getting a plate and coming to sit in the living room.

The camera remains in the hall as Eddie eats and flicks through a newspaper.

The doorbell soon rings and Eddie goes to answer it.

Fred
Hey

Eddie
Come on in, take a seat I’ll get the kettle going.

Fred
Sure

Eddie and Fred move into the kitchen and Fred sits down on the stool

Fred surveys the alcohol.

Fred
All set for tonight then?

Eddie turns his head
Looks like it. Mike suggested I get some booze.

Fred
Yeah, some. (short laugh) he’s setting you up then?

Eddie
Err yeah, I’m not sure how things will go

Fred
You’ll be fine, just act natural and stuff

Eddie
I suppose so

The kettle boils and Eddie prepares the two cups of coffee, gets a tray and starts walking, behind Fred to the living room. As he does his head darts to one side and a look of fear spreads his face. Fred sits down and Eddie sets the tray on the table and continues to the magazine rack.

Possible shot of Eddie looking at a real spider and it expanding to an unrealistic size, as to what he sees in his mind.

Fred
What are you doing Ed?

Eddie
(offhandedly) Oh, I’m just looking for a magazine that wont be missed much, maybe gardeners world or something, it has to be of a fatal weight.

Fred
What for?

Eddie
Spider, hallway.

Fred
Show me

Eddie
Look, right there (raises magazine above head)

Fred
Hey, hey, wait a minute, that’s a living being. I’ll jar it up and let it outside.

Eddie
(sighs) If you insist.

As Fred enters the kitchen to get a jar Eddie can be heard muttering.

Eddie
Environmentalist.

Eddie stands back as Fred lumbers around the spider, jar in hand, causing it to dart into the dining room, behind a bag.

Eddie
Ah look, now you’ve aroused it.

Fred goes towards the bag and moves it

Fred
I can’t see it, must be crushed against the bag

Eddie
For gods sake, now I’ll have to get that dry cleaned, ah, gardeners world would have killed it cleanly and saved me the £2 service charge.

Scene cuts to Eddie and Fred sitting on the sofa in the living room.

Fred
You know Paul?

Eddie
Yeah but he stopped talking to me when I took his go on worms Armageddon once.

Fred
Yeah, err he just passed his driving test

Eddie
And is he still a virgin?

Fred
I don’t see the relevance but you’d have to ask him yourself.

Eddie
Maybe I will (dark look)

Fred
He has his own car and everything, worked for it all summer.

Eddie
Isn’t he the lucky one, everyone drives these days but not as many people lost their virginity.

Fred
Are you ok Ed, you seem sort of bitter

Eddie
Think I’ll lose my virginity tonight?

Fred
I’m no mind reader but if you play your cards right who knows

Sit in silence for a few moments

Fred
Look, I should go, let you get ready and stuff

Eddie
Right, thanks, I’ll walk you to the door

Fred
Good luck then

Eddie
Right

Eddie closes door.

Eddie moves around the house in a montage sequence. Hoovering, changing his bed sheets, clearing the table.

Segment moves to evening

Eddie tries on a variety of different shirts in the mirror

He is then waiting in the living room, twitching. The doorbell rings, Eddie Goes to open it.

Eddie
Mike, how you doing?

Mike
Pretty good. (gesturing) Kirsty, Lucy and (sighs) Monica

Eddie (shyly)
Hey

Kirsty and Lucy, indifferently
Hi

Monica
Hello, nice house

Peering into the kitchen

Monica
Wow, lots of alcohol

Eddie
(shy laugh) Yeah, I thought I should stock up.

Kirsty
We need the bathroom, lets go Luce

Eddie
Want me to -

Kirsty
Nah, we’ll find it

Two girls bustle past Eddie while Monica goes to look at the alcohol more closely. Eddie and Mike go into the living room

Mike
Hey, I’m sorry about her

Eddie
Who?

Mike
Monica.

Eddie
The pretty one?

Mike
Err, pretty one? You don’t want her here, I didn’t know Kirsty would bring her.

Eddie
What’s wrong with her?

Mike
Lets just say she’s been ridden more times than sea biscuit. Been round the circuit more times than Schumacher. Catch my drift?

Eddie
Err, I’ll bare that in mind.

The girls return to the living room and Eddie goes out to fix some drinks. Returning a moment later with a tray of flaming sambuka.

Monica
Wow that’s flash

Eddie
I try. So, err, straight down the hatch?

Mike
Little early for that Ed, wouldn’t you say? Could I get a coke with nothing in it?

Eddie
Oh I wouldn’t say its to early. Good for the bones and appetite. You want some coke, its in the fridge.

Eddie takes his glass and is about to shot it when Mike grabs his arm.

Eddie
What?

Mike
The flame, you might wanna

Eddie
Oh, ha ha, silly me.

Puts glass over it to snuff the flame out.

Eddie shots drink

Eddie
Could have been a little embarrassing there.

Monica laughs yet the other girls do not.

(Kirsty whispers to Lucy)
I bet he’s a virgin
Eddie pretends not to here this

Monica
So Eddie, are you at college, what cou-

Mike
Media course

Eddie
All very dull really

Monica
No, sounds cool

Eddie ignores her interest

Eddie
Another drink for anyone?

Kirsty
Us girls will make something with some kick. Where are your pint glasses?

Eddie
There are some plastics in the cupboard near the fridge.

They leave the room and Mike goes and sits down next to Eddie

Eddie
Hey, the girl you liken to Schumacher, she seems alright.

Mike
Oh no she’s not. I bet she’s got more germs than a fox who just rolled in cow shit then licked some road kill. Bad news man, just stop talking to her, before she jumps on you.

Eddie rolls his eyes and the film cuts to a title ‘Monica’s week past:
Cue a montage type scene where Monica is coming to the door and being shown in by a variety of different men. One joke shot shows Monica knocking on a men’s public toilet door. This scene will open with a following shot of Monica walking down a long corridor and knocking at a door.

Girls come back in

Lucy
Beer, vodka and coke, you’ll love it.

As Monica takes her place she winks at Eddie and Mike looks at him meaningfully.

Monica
I gotta use your loo, back in a few.

Mike is still sitting next to Eddie, he mutters to Eddie

The other girls aren’t listening to what is being said. The look bored, have their nail files out, mainly talking between each other.

Mike
(muttering) Stop being so cosy, her claws are nearly in you. You know James?

Eddie
He stopped talking to me when I said that his dog was fat.

Silence

Mike
Anyway, he was with Monica and now he has, (pause) you know, crabs. I’m talking the kind that live and breed in your pubic hair.

Eddie
(slight drunken slur) Look, I’ll be careful, stop being so mummish.

Monica returns to the room and sits between Eddie and Mike.

The evening has lapsed into a quiet drinking period. Everybody is drinking lots and not talking very much. Eddie appears to be drunker than the others and he suddenly asks the room.

Eddie
I, I don’t feel clean, do I smell clean to you?

Monica
You smell fine darling

Eddie rubs his nose with a fist and begins talking

Eddie
Well, I had this bath earlier and to me a bath is one of those things in life. Seems like a great idea at the time but as soon as you’re in there you regret it. It’s to hot, you, erm, get a burning scrotum and then you lay back on this bed of bubbles, which is no good, I just, just hate that.

Monica
Relax Ed, you smell very manly

Eddie
Heh, it must be that new scent I got, from my mother.

Monica
Had a birthday?

Eddie
Oh no, well, my mother, she buys me gifts at the oddest times. She’s always mistaking my sarcastic wit for insults, this, it makes her think I’m depressed so she gives me a bottle of scent.

Stony silence. Monica smiles lightly and the two other girls and Mike wear bemused expressions.

Monica
Another drink for anybody?

Eddie
Ok, I’ll agree, but I shan’t have so much more, last time I got drunk I felt like I has a balloon in my left pocket in the morning. My liver, it swells.

Monica pours vodka

Monica
No matter, a little more never hurt anybody.

Eddie sips drink

Eddie
Yeah, I bet that’s what somebody told George Best.

Its late and the two girls go up to bed

Eddie calls after them

Eddie
Parents room, the one with the big bed.

Kirsty
Duh, idiot.

Soon after this Mike falls asleep in the chair.

Monica
Lets go up stairs baby.

Eddie
Why not?

The camera moves with the two up the stairs

Eddie
On the right

They walk into Eddies bedroom and the door closes.

Eddie take his top off and lays down on the bed. Monica straddles him and begins to loosen his belt. Eddie automatically reaches for a condom and takes it out of the foil.

Monica
Babe, there’s no need for that.

Eddie holds the condom in his hand, the camera pans into his eye and he sees Mike, telling him all the bad things about Monica.
Mikes voice playing over a pink screen.

It is morning, we see a shot of the sun coming up and then a c/u of the clock. The cut to Mike waking up. He looks startled and goes up the stairs. He goes up to Eddies room right away, opens the door and then slaps his head. He then looks down, he’s trod in a condom. He makes a disgusted face and goes up and shakes Eddie awake.

Mike
Least you wrapped your soldier before sending it to war.

Eddie
Get me just a paracetambol.

Mike
Get it yourself.

Eddie comes down the stairs into the kitchen. Gets two paracetamol and turns the tap on, puts his head under, filling it with water and swallows the tablets.

He turns around and the guests are all in throats, ready to leave. So, you guys going now?

Mike
Yep Ed, we got places to be, people to see, you know how it is.

Eddie
Mmm yeah, well I’ll show you out then.

Mike and the girls lead out the front door, which was unlocked and Eddie touches Monica’s arm as she’s leaving.

Eddie
Last night, thanks for that.

Winks at her

Monica
Yeah, it was a real lovely time.

Monica winks and proceeds out the door with the others.

Eddie closes the door and goes into the living room, sitting down, breathing out and smiling widely.

Time elapses, clock shot.

The phone rings and Eddie picks up.

Eddie
Yello

Mike
Err yeah, waggy, have a nice evening with that slut (bold)

Eddie
I did thank you, did you have a lovely night also?

Mike
Man, you are stupid. I really wasn’t joking about her. Dirty.

Eddie
Man, whatever really, all I know is that I’m not a virgin anymore.

Mike
Yeah, if that makes you happy Ed. Least you wrapped up.

Eddie
(Sounding slightly uncomfortable) Erm yeah, well goodbye

Eddie goes to bed

Eddie wakes up, shot of clock and alarm going.

Eddie
Shit.

Eddie begins itching wildly and goes into the bathroom and looks below the bellybutton.

His expression is of shock and fear.

He sends a text message.

I’m dam itchy lol tb

He gets a message back, from Mike. Itchy head, toes!?

Eddie replies to the text. We don’t see what he write though.

He receives one back.

1 word an a acronim; std clinic.

Shot of Eddies facial expression. Worried.

Final shot.
Eddie walking towards a small doctors clinic.

End and affectation of real facts about sexually transmitted diseases and the problems within teenagers.

[ie]

Here's what I've corrected so far:

{{Location.}}

EDDIE
It just feels like I’m going to be this big virgin forever...

MIKE
Don’t be stupid, even the ugly guys get laid. Eventually.

EDDIE
Oh great, so now I’m one of "those" guys?!

MIKE
No, I wasn’t saying that. I’m just saying you have to stay positive. You're not that old. Plenty other people are still virgins.

EDDIE
Yeah. Maybe. Sure doesn’t feel like it at times.


A few seconds of silence pass.


MIKE
Hey, didn't you say your parents are going away soon?

EDDIE
Yeah, some four day thing. They're going to sit on their bourgeois friends' boat and stuff.

MIKE
Eddie, Eddie! This is good news! You'll have a free house, free as the ocean. I say we get a few girls 'round here and see if you can join the "club."

EDDIE
Sounds like a plan to me. But Mike, what if they don’t like me...? It’ll just feel like another pin in my virginal cushion existence.

MIKE
That's stupid, man. Just get a little alcohol and everything will go great.

EDDIE
Okay...

Scene fades out.

I know this is due tomorrow for you, so I'll see what I can do.

[mixed]

Its very kind of you to provide help for this but I think time has basically ran out. My caffeine alert eyes are flagging, I ned to go to sleep. Its only a rough draft anyhow, I mainly needed some help on this 500 word statement but I shall attempt to blag it for now

[ie]

No problem.

However, you should have posted the 500 word statement, or what you wrote of it, if you needed help with it. Because I kind of forgot about it.

[mixed]

Dont worry, it still doesn't exist I think I'm just going to write a few lines and then crash out infront of american beauty

[agentknight]

Eddie
It just feels like I’m going to be this big virgin forever

Oh dear, expositional dialogue in the first line? Rewrite plz.

[mixed]

It is a little obvious isn't it
I'm rather bad at writing scripts. I can write fiction pretty well but with scriptwriting I'm a little bit thrown