Post by lordofdance on Dec 23, 2006 1:31:29 GMT -5
The thought of lesbian vampires is actually pretty gross, if one were to ponder what such a relationship actually involves. On one hand, there's the fact that (at least) two bloodsucking corpses are carrying on a sexual relationship with each other, and then on the other hand... well the first hand is troubling enough on its own. I don't really know how the concept of dead people engaging in sexual activity ever caught on, but there is no doubt a market for this sort of entertainment. The good thing about movie vampires, though, is that not all of them have to resemble Nosferatu. In the case of Vampyres, the two vampiric beauties are about as far away from the rodent-like freak as any viewer could hope for. At least any viewer who prefers lovely English seductresses to rodent-like freaks.
Allow me to admit right away that I have no idea what Vampyres is actually about. I've tried to make sense of the story after watching the film numerous times, but I don't really understand what the point of everything is. The opening scene starts out logically enough when a man bursts into a bedroom where the two lesbian vampires of the title are making out and proceeds to open fire on them. They both die. It seems to me that the guy was angry that his wife (or girlfriend) went lesbian on him, and so he blew the two lovers away. I don't think there's any way to prove this by watching the movie, but it seems to be a good theory. After the double homicide, the theme music and opening credits start up while bats fly around on the screen. (NOTE: No one ever turns into a bat at any time during Vampyres.)
After the credits, the viewer discovers that the two murdered woman are somehow alive and running around the woods in cloaks. When they see a man driving by on the road, they run out in front of his car and ask for a ride back to their castle. After having some wine and chatting, the undead lesbian duo retire to the bedroom with their fellow and violently partake in his red fluid. Why or how the lesbians got involved in this sort of lifestyle is never explained as far as I know. I only know for sure that they are vampires because of the movie title, but I do not know what turned them into undead bloodsuckers. Were they shot with cursed bullets? They don't even do their predatory hitchhiking at night, but during the day. There are no rules in this movie.
Eventually they meet up with a guy who appears to have some sort of connection to them that, too, is never explained. Unlike the others, they never kill him. They just keep draing his blood until he escapes and meets up with a young couple that is camped out in front of the castle in a mobile home. Occasionally, the girl hears a scream from the castle and expresses concern to her boyfriend, but he just blows her off.
There's some quality scenes of nudity in Vampyres, which helps distract the viewer from the fact that the screenwriter didn't feel the need to bother with things like exposition or a coherent plot. Both of the actresses playing vampires are highly attractive; Anulka Dziubinska appeared in Playboy and Marianne Morris brings English sophistication to her role. I am not ashamed to admit that they have much to do with why I like this film. The creepy atmosphere helps a lot, too.
I give this **** out of *****, because there's a charm to the movie I can't ignore. Maybe I actually like it more because nothing is really explained. Vampyres isn't good by traditional standards, but that isn't something I generally require.
That's a couple of stars right there.
