Post by lordofdance on Apr 12, 2007 23:24:26 GMT -5
I've been getting out to the theatre more in the last 6 months than I have in 6 years, I would estimate. I've always enjoyed the feeling of being in a dark theatre, preferably with a row all to myself. In fact, there are few things in life that make me feel more tranquil and at peace with the world. Back in around 2000, I started to feel deeply jaded toward the movies being released and resolved to buy DVDs of movies that I knew were worth watching instead of wasting $20 or $30 a week seeing crap at the theatre. It's better to own good movies and watch them at home, even if it means sacrificing the atmosphere of seeing one on the big screen. Or so I thought. Recently, I started to really miss the experience. I'll pretty much just go whenever the feeling strikes me, even if the movie selection isn't all that agreeable. All I really want is to be able to sit in the dark, prop my feet up on the chair in front of me and see a show. Any show.
The Reaping is the most recent movie I caught at the theatre, really for no other reason than its appearing to be the least unpleasant option at the time I was there. It is a horror movie, afterall, so at least it had that going for it.
As far as I can recall, the only other movie starring Hilary Swank that I've sat through from beginning to end was Boys Don't Cry (no, I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby). She's a girl that think she's a guy in it, so she didn't really have much cause to look sexy or anything. I'll be completely honest and admit that I'd rather see attractive actresses in a movie than ones that are not. The visual aspect of a movie is by far the most important factor in determining how much I enjoy it, so the more comely faces and bodies there are to look at the better. Needless to say, I never really thought much about Hilary Swank after seeing Boys Don't Cry.
In The Reaping, however, Hilary Swank looks like a real woman and everything. Her hair is blonde. She wears tight shirts that show off her stomach from time to time. She even wears a long skirt and appears almost angelic. I think I felt sexually attracted to her at least 10 times. The problem is, some idiot had to go and drop sexy Hilary Swank into movie that could have easily been an X-Files episode. Not that I don't like X-Files (slightly), but I didn't really need to see the whole skeptic vs. believer thing again, especially when it's done so poorly.
In The Reaping, Swank gets to play the rational person. I don't remember what reasons Scully had for being skeptical on The X-Files, but, much to my disappointment, Swank's character is a doubter because she thinks God let her down. This automatically made me think of Signs, which I hate, and how Mel Gibson's character gave up on the Almighty becuse his wife got killed in a car crash. Just like Gibson's character, Swank too is former member of the clergy. Ugggh. To be honest, I have NO sympathy for religious people that give up their faith just because
life throws them a curveball. Didn't they read Job? I'm not religious, but these people need to show some integrity. Anyway, in Swank's case, she lost her family while doing missionary work. The natives weren't happy with the weather or something, so they sacrificed her family to the gods. Understandably pissed off, she gives up being an ordained minister and decides to travel the world scientifically disproving miracles wherever they occur. Her assistant is a former gang member who embraced the Lord after receiving multiple gunshot wounds. I guess he qualifies as the Fox Mulder, at least, sort of.
Swank is contacted by a math teacher from a small town that has been experiencing what appears to be the 10 plagues of Eqypt. The backward townsfolk believe that a creepy little girl is responsible for provoking God's wrath, and the math teacher wants Swank to prove that there is a rational reason for the plague-like occurences. So, Swank and her pious assistant set out to determine what's really behind the bloody water and dead frogs that's menacing the town. From this point on, it's basically "I bet you can't explain that bizarre occurecnce!" "I bet I can!" types of exchanges, at least until things really get weird.
Stephen Rea (from The Crying Game) is unfortunate enough to be stuck with the tortured priest role. For those not familiar, the tortured priest in movies always discovers some horrible evil and is tormented mercilessly. He tries to convince the main character of the danger and usually gets killed off for his efforts. Eventually, the main character realizes that the tortured priest was right and then goes and defeats said horrible evil. I believe that The Reaping has the single worst tortured priest of all time. If there has ever been a greater example of a character being so mecahnically written into the script, I would like to see it. It's as though the script writer knew that he had to have a tortured priest in there somewhere, but wanted to put as little work into creating the character as humanly possible. His death is so ludicrously abrupt that I was insulted.
Even more annoying than the disposable nature of the priest is that The Reaping repeatedly resorts to flashbacks to an earlier part of the movie as a way to explain what is currently taking place on screen. Toward the end, it seems like there's a flashback to explain every plot development. That's really lazy screenwriting, if you ask me. Either that, or they must've had little faith in the audience's ability to comprehend what was going on. Of course, considering the average movie goer, that's understandable.
Anyway, The Reaping apparently was written as a showcase for CGI rather than actually trying to tell an interesting story. Everything is so by the numbers that drama has no opportunity to bloom. There are no fleshed out characters to nourish a a compelling tale. There is no creativity or imagination. Instead, it's a lifeless mixture of The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, and, yes, X-Files. I really got the impression that nobody gave a shit about making this movie at all. For all I know, it was written by monkeys using a "Souless Screenwriting For Beginners" program and directed by remote control.
Hilary, now that I've realized that you're a woman, could you be in some better movies?
* out of *****
